There are no American combat forces in Laos.
At the present time we are concerned by the North Vietnamese move into Laos.
There are 50,000 North Vietnamese there at the present time.
As you know, American participation in Laos
is at the request of the neutralist government
which was set up in accordance with the 1962 accords, which were agreed to
incidentally by Hanoi, Peking, and the Soviet Union.
We have been providing logistical support
and some training for the neutralist government in order to avoid Laos falling
under Communist domination.
As far as American manpower in Laos is concerned No American manpower in Laos
There are none there at the present time on a combat basis.
Come on! Come on!
Gene, no!
Too late. No chance.
Get back! Stay back!
Son of a bitch.
Gene...
- To hell with the cargo! - Is he dead?
Well, Rob, if he's not dead, he's very, very calm.
Jesus, I'm sorry.
Hey, Gene
We're not here right now.
Yeah, I saw Nixon on TV.
Yeah, So we're not actually here
and of course this didn't happen.
Well. Maybe it didn't happen for you and maybe it didn't happen for Nixon
but I think it happened for Doug. We sure are going through pilots.
Hey Gene! You will remember what I said!
Shhh! Well, the problem is, Rob,
Since you and I aren't here, this conversation didn't happen so I can't remember what the fuck you didn't tell me.
- Damn it Major, these pilots are such head cases! - Yeah.
And the worst part of it is we need more of 'em.
Now let's go to our "eye in the sky" traffic reporter with our eye in the sky pilot Billy Covington.
Billy, How ya doing up there?
Well, I gotta say I think the music speaks for me, Stevie.
"All I want is just'a be free
live my life the way I want'a be."
How's traffic, Billy?
Traffic's kinda depressing. Kinda Sad.
Real congested. Kinda bumsy looking
I'm here to tell you. We understand there's
one whale of a traffic jam on the 103.
Yeah. You got that right. You know why?
That's why we go to you, Bill. Yeah, I guess so...I'll tell you why.
'Cause most morning drivers turn into pagan rubbernecks, cause they think they might be able
to see a fatality. That creates a gawker's block
Fouled things up for a coupla miles back there.
Not unlike this complete moron here
in the brown 18 wheeler from Rubio moving and hauling.
'Scuse me a sec, Stevie.
Hey. Move your truck! An ambulance is trying to get to the site of an accident!
Hey! Fuck you, "eye in the sky!"
Fuck me? Yeah! Fuck you!
What'd you say? I said fuck you!
Man, You want a convertible? I don't think so.
fucking punk. Get outta here! I'll kick your whirly bird ass!
You little airborne piece of shit!
Alright, well This is Rock 1080, and where else are you gonna get that kind of in depth look at the LA traffic situation?
You little worm. You should be arrested! This is very dangerous!
I'll bust that whirlybird to hell and back!
License SUSPENDED
Hey, Billy.
- Who are you? - Sorry to Hear about your fall from grace.
- You're an adventurer without an adventure. - He's Wrong, really wrong.
- Nothing lower than a grounded pilot. - Who are you?
Let me ask you a question. Why did you fly down so low over that accident?
Because there was an ambulance trying to get to the scene of an accident.
- Alright. I'm tired of flying a thousand feet above the action. I want to be down in it. - Just what I thought.
Now. The same thing that got you fired off the radio can get you hired in Laos.
Because there's a war going on over there?
In Vietnam, not in Laos. You saw the President on TV?
Come on. I saw Heckle and Jeckle on TV. That doesn't mean
that I believe that birds really talk. Gimme a break. The point's well taken.
But there's no war in Laos.
You can take that to the bank. Who'd be signing my checks?
Our outfit's called Air America. Strictly civilian.
American Pilots. Men like yourself.
Wild men if I may say so, Billy. flying cargo and refugees in the wild wild East.
FAA pulled my ticket.
Get you a new one outta Taiwan. No sweat.
Who the hell are you, man?
I'm your biggest fan.
That's nice, Rob. What's that supposed to be? That is the sound of the torment of war.
See, When the enemy hears those sounds coming from your planes
they're gonna be crazy. The North Vietnamese
they're pouring into Laos. They're heading into Saigon on the Ho Chi Minh trail
And they're hooking up with their little Commie buddies.
So. We blast 'em with this stuff they panic, they scatter. Now I admit
I admit! it's a dangerous mission. - Alright, hold it. It's Worse than dangerous.
Alright. This is embarrassing, man!
I mean, they're gonna point up at us, and laugh at this shit!
This tape
was designed by experts for maximum psychological effect.
You've got no idea who you're fighting here.
Oh, no, no. You know more about it than American Intelligence.
Rob, I wish you wouldn't use the words "American intelligence" to describe what it is that you do.
Rob Diehl? Hi.
I'm Billy Covington.
Oh, yeah, yeah. Welcome. Thanks.
You have some paperwork? Yeah.
Billy is one of you guys.
Yeah. Thanks. So talk to 'em.
Hi, guys. What brings you here, Covington?
I hear there's some good flying here, huh?
Good flying? That's a thought.
Yeah?
Depends where you're coming from, man.
Where are you coming from?
I'm from L.A. The west coast of the United States. Where are you coming from?
I'm coming from the dark side of the moon.
And I'm going back there, too, soon.
The golden BB is coming for us. Could I have My bat please.
Nomenclature: BB, golden.
Ordinance: Personnel, Neely.
And what about the four rounds you can't see...
Pilot hi jinks. It's their way of coping.
Pilot hi jinks? This is psychotic behavior.
Here at Air America what's considered psychotic behavior anywhere else is just company policy. Gene Ryack.
- Gene, Gene, how would you feel about taking Billy on his orientation flight? - Sure, it's OK with me if it's OK with you. Is it OK with you?
Yeah, yeah. Let's get in the wind. Ok. Just give him the bat.
This place is called Long Tieng, right? that's Right.
The accident was right about here, but the map doesn't show a town here.
Well I guess it's like Rob says. We're not here.
Which means you're not actually seeing the second biggest city in Laos
built from scratch to standards by the U. S. Government.
And we don't really run 400 flights a day outta here, or ship 100 tons of cargo
medicine, weapons We do deliver local troops, like those guys over there.
"Anything, anywhere, any time." That's our motto.
Mainly We fly C 123, Helio Couriers, Carabou, fairly normal machines.
But the real fun is playing with these freaky little aircraft here.
They're not even legal back in the states. Yeah, well this ain't the States.
Damn right.
Hey. Whattaya got today? Peanut butter and mayo. Salami. What you got?
Flight schedule. Better not be.
You don't seem to be having much trouble with her.
Yeah... well I do all right in the air It's down on the ground that I tend to fuck up.
Hey, you mind if I look at your logbook? Nah.
14 months of bush flying up in Canada.
Bush flying? Yeah, bush flying.
2 months of crop dusting outside of Fresno.
Fresno. What a fucking hero you are.
You flew traffic for "eye in the sky"? You flew a chopper? Excuse me, is that an Uzi?
Hey, you know, that would make a great TV commercial. Wouldn't it?
"Excuse me, is that an Uzi?" "Why yes it is.
Hey, self defense is no laughing matter. That's why when it comes to #1 I pack an Uzi.
Accept no substitutes."
- Show him your amulet, Gene! - Look at that.
What's in there?
To be honest, the ashes of my left big toe. Got it Shot off right through the floor of the cockpit.
Not far from here as a matter of fact.
You've been shot? You get shot here? Yeah. Me and Babbo had to crash land too, it was ugly -
He takes the toe home and cremates it and he puts it in that little jar around his neck.
Wait a second.
No one told me about losing toes. I remember the whole conversation. He never mentioned toe loss.
Who? The recruiter. He never -
Why didn't you get it sewn back on man? They have doctors here.
Well, I could have I suppose, but I figured once a piece of me gets shot off I don't really want it back anymore.
Besides, it's still with us in spirit.
You understand?
Yeah. In spirit, toe ism.
Royal Asian Airlines Flight No. 744. Now arriving at gate 12.
Good morning. Glad you could make it, sir.
A United States senator? In my back yard? On a goddam fact finding mission, no less?
He's not gonna find out any facts. I promise.
Certainly not gonna find out about our little deal. Besides, he's a dimwit.
He had a tractor dealership before he got elected.
Hey. Harry Truman sold cheap suits in Missouri and he wound up dropping an atomic bomb. OK?
Welcome to Vientiane, sir. Thank you, Ambassador Marloff.
Senator Davenport, this is major Lemond. I'm sure you've heard of him.
Of course. Where's the uniform, Major? Too hot for all those ribbons and braids, huh?
You going civvie on us? Well, I am civilian now, sir.
But I'm still Air Force at heart.
Thank you very much. Put bag in big car. Senator...
Oh, I know, I know.
Sorry No have local dinero.
Give tip later OK? Senator!
This is General Lu Soong Supreme Commander of our local Allied forces.
Hello?
Anybody home?
Get a load of Senator Tact here.
When you go to France, you have General DeGaulle carry luggage?
Rob, get the Senator's bag.
I'll just take that bag, sir. I can take your jacket. Thank you.
Alright, better lighten up on that stick. We're coming in for a landing.
Landing? Where?
I guess I better show you. Show me what? Landing where? Oh, come on.
That's not a strip, it's a mountain. Full flap, 3 cranks.
Please don't do this.
There. That was great. How was it for you?
There's people in the woods!
Don't, I know them.
Who are they?
Well, as a matter of fact, they're friends of my wife. Little one's my brother in law
with a business proposition. Don't do that.
Six crates of weapons. I'll make you a good offer.
The Russians air dropped them for the Pathet Lao.
We stole 'em. Brand new.
I'll give you 400 kips.
400? You want a slingshot? 800 kips!
600, and it's a deal.
Brother in laws are the same all over the world, huh?
He's bleeding me dry, but...
Deal!
This is supposed to be my initiation flight and you use it to run some private scam?
Welcome to the orient.
This is not a scam, it's a retirement plan!
I've been flying fifteen years and I haven't got a pot to piss in, and I want my chunk of the American dream. OK?
Running guns?
OK, this is the hard part.
Yeah, I noticed, no radar.
That's right, just dead reckoning.
I can handle it.
Good.
Hey Gene, sit down. Check this out!
Pretty good, huh?
OK, we almost hit that at 3700 feet. Are there any higher peaks than that around here?
At 3700 feet! Any higher peaks than 3700 feet around here?
Yeah.
I need a green. Don't use mine. Use yours.
OK, guys, We're gonna have to establish a new safety elevation, OK?
Hey, I was going for that one! You did that on purpose.
Last time you colored the sky pink. Are we south or east of
the Atlantic here?
South or east?
East! Don't bother me when I'm coloring!
Stay on your side! It's my coloring book.
If you want to draw in my book you have to be nice to me.
Hey, Senator let us show you the real Laos!
Sir, he's getting out.
Senator, wait!
Those pilots are drunk. Son, they're not just drunk
they're drunk Americans. Hey, fellas!
Pitchin' a little woo, are ya?
Now, don't be embarrassed, fellas. I know I may look like an old stick in the mud
but back before I found the lord, I partook of wine, women, and song, on a number of times.
But I'm serious, though, fellas, even though none of you will be wearing any shiny medals, or be making it in the history books
There's a few of us back in Washington who know exactly
what you're doing for the war effort.
Could you explain it to us?
It's just as heavy as Vietnam. No! No! No!
You never compare the two.
Vietnam is a war for niggers and no necks.
Excuse the language, it's the Mai Tai talking.
But this - this is a gentleman's war. This is a thinking man's war.
Hello.
Corinne Landreaux this is Billy Covington.
She does all sorts of noble, humanitarian things for the little Asian brothers up in the hills. - Thanks.
HOney, I kid, because I care.
You know what the whole problem with the Vietnam war is?
It's too public. A secret war is the way to go.
No reporters, no TV You blackout the war
like a, like a pro football game. And y'know what? Y'know what?
We can't lose.
Can I ask you one thing?
Is it like a kinky turn on for you to bring your girlfriend to a whorehouse with you?
This is not just a whorehouse, friend. This is a place where men talk business.
I was just getting used to this being a war.
Who told you they were two different things?
Rob, I need you outside.
And I need you clear headed goddammit!
Something on your mind, Rob?
I was just wondering what the Pepsi Cola people would think if they knew what was happening here now that they're gone.
Don't you ever wonder about that? No, Rob, I don't.
I wonder how many pilots already know about his place.
This stuff's good, very good, Major. You want to try some?
With all due respect, General, I'm not here for a taste test.
I'm here to ask you again, please,
Let's shut this lab down for one week only just while the Senator is here.
Why don't you just tell baggage man Senator to go home now? Kick out!
I wish it were that easy, General.
And in a civilized country like yours it would be.
But in this case, it's easier to shut down this lab.
Then you and me be poor men and cannot pay for war.
If we don't sell heroin no money to feed my soldiers.
No, Major. Better you and me stay good friends.
You take care of silly suitcase man, yes?
Of course, General.
As always, you are thinking more clearly than me.
Is something wrong?
It's just that I'm used to being the weirdest guy in the room, and all of a sudden I'm not even in the running.
Don't sell yourself short. You can be as weird as anyone here.
Sure kid, all it takes is a little time.
I just feel like I'm on this roller coaster of bar girls
and strange squiggly signs and weird vehicles and
more bar girls, and Mai Tais and
what the fuck am I doing here? I ask myself that question all the time.
Why am I here? Why am I here?
There ya are, a little taste of the States, you feel better?
Yeah, everything's back to normal now. Good.
Nice silencer.
I am a very considerate person.
If I want to go out all night on my miniature golf course and shoot lizards
no reason to keep the neighbors awake. You follow me?
Hah! You follow me punk? Yeah, at a distance.
You're all right... fuckin' punk.
Bet Jack's the only man you ever met who built his own personal miniature golf course, huh?
Hey, I got a concept. Whadda you say you open this place up to the public and charge admission, Jack?
You guys can do that after I'm gone.
I'm leaving it to y'all in my will. Oh, now, save it, willya?
No, wait, Jack's got a point here.
I mean come on, let's face it. The old timers aren't in line for any government pension.
I mean each pilot has to work out his own retirement scam.
Hey, Gino, how's your floatin' guns and ammo shop? Building up some inventory or what?
Ain't You ever gonna sell? Never make a move too soon.
I got a foolproof scam. I'm gonna take my money...
...gonna wind up back on Coney Island, flyin' a Coppertone banner over the beach
tellin' war stories in bars.
"The golden BB's coming up to Neely now..."
Why you do that?
Why the fuck did you do that?
Hey, professionalism.
How often do you guys go on a bender like this?
Bender? Nah, this isn't a bender, This is just nighttime.
O.V.!
Wake Billy up! I gotta take him to work.
Up and at 'em, junior! Wake up!
It's OK. He likes to fly.
Good morning!
Crazy Americans!
Gene. Morning, Rob. Morning.
We pick up one Senator Davenport at the VIP lounge at the Vientiane airport
and you take him up to the refugee camp at Bien Luc.
Of course, lips completely zipped on the subject of this airbase.
And if he's dying to get a little local action just dazzle him with bullshit.
Well, We got nothing else to dazzle him with. But at least that's dazzlin' bullshit, Rob.
See ya later!
Gene! Gene! Don't fuck around with the Senator. OK?
I don't know what you mean. Keep things on a need to know basis.
Oh, you mean, treat him like a mushroom: Keep him in the dark and feed him on shit.
Hey, Gene, What's that guy doing to your plane, man?
He's purifying it. It's a Buddhist ritual.
Gene, is there a secret air base around here?
Which secret air base would that be, sir?
Why do I get the feeling I'm being kept out of the loop?
What do I know. I'm only boy for carrying luggage bag.
Oh, now please, General, don't pout about that. I apologized.
If anything, I should be carrying your luggage.
That's how much the United States government values your support.
I hear talk that maybe America stop war and leave Southeast Asia.
Don't take any suitcase with them. General
if things get too hairy for us politically, we do have to bug out
We'd bring you back to the states with us.
We take care of our buddies. You take care of shit!
I beg your pardon. We've made Marshall Ky in Vietnam a very nice offer.
Marshall Ky? I know Marshal Ky. He's small time.
He want to have liquor store in America when ending war.
I not going from being warlord to be liquor store owner!
Why don't you tell the Senator what you really want, General.
Go ahead, don't be bashful.
Holiday Inn. Southern California.
Own and operate.
That might be difficult.
You find all this amusing, do you?
I sure do. But, hell, Senator
If you can't laugh at war what's the use of fighting, huh?
You've got a good point there!
Excuse me, you wanna tell me What that tin horn general is doing in my camp?
Corinne, have you met US Senator Davenport? Welcome, Senator.
I'm Corinne Landreaux, US Aid. May I show you around?
Your bosses picked a hell of a spot to put you. Right in the heart of opium country.
My first choice was Kansas but apparently it's not available.
This is all mountains and poppy fields.
Yeah. How long you figure You got here, two, three weeks? At best, and then we fold up tents and leave.
Noble work, miss Landreaux, this is truly noble work.
Thank you, Senator. Senator, I'll meet you back at the plane. I'll see you later, Corrine.
Look at that little devil operate!
He's shanghaiing men and boys for his private army.
Well, no, shanghai's an ugly word. How would you describe what he's doing?
Oh, well, I'd say he's showing a lot of charisma. Charisma?
What you've got to remember, miss Landreaux, is these people have different values than you and I.
But the nice part is we're all pulling together for the same cause.
The same cause?
Senator, Soong's only cause is General Soong. Don't you get it, Senator?
The CIA flies drugs for him. In return he loans us his troops while he's kicking money back into the CIA.
You know what? You've been working your little fanny off
IN this hot sun for a darn good cause and God bless you for it.
But you're starting to rave.
I think you need a little air conditioning.
Have a nice day, Senator.
Thanks for coming.
You do me great honor for come to Nino's, Excellency.
- Thank you, Nino. - Tnank you, thank you.
Well frankly, gentlemen, I'm concerned.
We're not children in Congress. Now we know General Song...
Soong. Soong Is up to some kind of hanky panky with opium and what not.
Now, nobody's perfect not even our allies.
But seriously, when we hear rumors of Americans lining their own pockets with dope money
Gentlemen, that endangers the entire war. Now I want to know the truth.
I'm afraid we've been keeping the truth from you, sir.
We have reason to suspect that our planes are being used to fly Opium
from the highlands down here to Vientiane
where it is processed into heroin. Dear God.
Why wasn't I told about this before?
Senator, We've made a grave mistake.
We were trying to protect the good name of our pilots, sir.
You mean our pilots...
...are involved in smuggling narcotics?
Not all of 'em, sir. Just a few rotten apples.
They know we can't inspect every piece of cargo.
And so they take advantage of our trust.
Do you know who they are? We'll find out.
I pledge to you, sir; we'll find those rotten apples.
Hey, General. What's the cargo?
None of your business.
Your cargo's loaded.
Here's your co pilot.
Enjoy the animals, fellas.
What?
I got a bad feeling this morning.
Don't worry, we're not gonna run into any golden BB'S, OK?
I'll be your good luck charm. No BB's, No bullets. No bombs.
Rice drop's comin' up first then the 3 little pigs.
There's no designation on this last cargo.
General Soong supervised the on-loading.
So, what kind of cargo would that be?
Comin' up to it 12 o'clock.
First drop zone coming up!
Stand by!
Alright. Coming up on it.
Looking good.
Air speed's good.
Altitude's good.
Three.
Two.
One.
Now!
Kwan, Kwan Kwan! Kwan went out the back! What do we do?
Has she got a chute on?
No. What do you mean she doesn't have a chute? We gotta go back!
No. You never go back. What? What do you mean you never go back?
You just lost your kicker, man! You never go back.
You meet someone and they die.
They should wear chutes. All the time.
Hey, come on!
That's not funny! OK?
That's not funny!
Hey, Billy, how's it going?
It's great.
Listen. Nino's steamin' up some lobster tonight
but you gotta order 'em in advance. You up for some of that, Jack?
Lobster again? Yeah, if I'm still alive I'd like some lobster.
Good, good, I'll radio on ahead
and make some reservations. Is 9 o'clock OK for you guys?
Great Roger that.
Hell of a war, man.
340. 12 o'clock coming up.
Stand by.
Comin' up on it.
Three. Two.
One.
Now!
Shit!
Hey! Quit it!
Jesus!
Who the hell's shooting at us? Over here, everybody shoots at us.
Alright, I'm not gonna die dropping pigs from the sky. That's not gonna happen.
The golden BB. I knew it. I knew it!
Just a question of when. The golden BB. I knew you were coming for me you son of a bitch!
I told ya! I saw it in the mirror this morning
when I cut myself shaving. bright as the sun, comin' right at me.
We're hit in number 2. Jack, we're hit in number 2! Pull the Extinguisher!
There goes an engine. Of course.
Hey! Wake up, man!
Check the oil pressure.
Check the oil pressure! Oil pressure dropping.
OK! Check number 1!
Number 1's OK.
Hey, Is 9:30 okay? Nino said he can't get us a table earlier.
Gene, we're hit, we're back to you, we're throwing fuel! We're going down!
Are you still in gun range? Yes.
Well change your altitude and heading every few seconds. Jack, gimme a location.
Jack! Got a minute? Location! Chop chop! Stop snoozing!
2... 2 miles south of Tango 7.
There's an old Jap air-strip just the other side of Tango 7. Can you make it?
Doubt it!
Come on, man. You can make it.
Jeez, I'll make it. Turn right 10 degrees.
Welcome back! Where you been?
Did I leave?
Wild Dog to base. Wild Dog to base. Pilots in jeopardy over near Tango 7.
Am heading over there now.
Maintain course, Wild Dog. We'll send a recon plane.
Base to Wild Dog, do you copy?
Wild Dog to base. Fuck off.
OK, Where we at?
You see it? No.
Right there. 1 o'clock.
OK, I got it. Get the landing gear down! Let's go.
Coming down.
It's not going down! - Don't worry about it. Go to manual. - Got it.
What have we got? Nothing so far.
OK, forget it. We're gonna jump. Kwanh! Put your 'chute on!
You too, Neely. It's a high jump. Put on your parachute, man, C'mon!
I'm riding it in with you. No you're not! You're gonna listen to what I say! PUt on your parachute! I want you off!
Kwanh, When I level out, you're gonna jump! OK? - I'm taking it in with you! - No you're not.
The only thing God intended to drop from the sky is bird shit!
Yeah, I know. You and bird shit, OK? Bird shit and you.
That's a new amendment. Birdshit and catatonic pilots.
Jump!
OK, he's out, you're next!
They say You're most vulnerable when you're floating down in a parachute.
I feel like I got a golden BB right up my ass!
Don't worry. If it doesn't open use your reserve... I don't have a reserve!
Get up! Get up, man! Please!
See you down there. Good luck!
I have never ever ever had to jump out of an airplane before!
I'm a fucking den mother!
OK, can you run, man? Let's go!
What the fuck are you doing back here?
I forgot my Nikon! Yeah? Here it is.
You want it? Then jump! Yes!
You put on your parachute!
I'm afraid of heights.
Jump!
Bye, now!
Come in, Billy. Billy come in. Gimme a voice, please.
Hey Neal. Are you satisfied or disappointed that we're still alive?
Hey. The jungle is full of Communist soldiers, and bandits, and tribes of fucking headhunters. OK?
We're not alive yet.
- Want a piece of Juicy Fruit? - No, I do not want a piece of Juicy Fruit. - Sure? - Yeah, sure.
We going home!
Soon, Kwanh. No. We go home now. Look!
Look, we going home.
Good afternoon!
Hi there, General.
Yeah, guess you missed us back there, huh?
Sure is nice to see some "friendlies" around here.
I'll tell ya, man. It's got a couple dings on it.
Sure hope they don't take it out of my paycheck, ya know?
Yeah. Nothin' a coupla days in the shop won't fix, I guess...
Lemme give you a hand here.
Guess you're in a hurry, huh? Don't wanna messa round here too long, huh.
God, these are heavy!
Gonna be a tight squeeze, huh?
Hey, man!
Come on, guys. Hey. What about us?
You're leaving us here?
Goddammit! Fuck!
We no go home now.
Opium go home now.
What? There was opium on that? You said it. Opium.
And he took his opium instead of us?
You helped him load it, pal.
Hey, fellas, when we get to the strip, you go north, and I'll search this side. We'll find 'em.
And if we hurry we can still make that 9:30 table at Nino's.
Sounds good, Gene. We'll see ya there!
Come on, where is everybody?
Quit it, OK?
There's a little trouble off your right wing down there in the jungle, boys
we got the other team movin' in on our buddies. Crawlin' with black pajamas.
Billy, move!
I'm quitting!
Got Any extra holes in ya?
No. Wild Dog to base, wild dog to base, unfriendlies here at Tango 7.
Unfriendlies? Unfriendly? Everyone's unfriendly here. Even the "friendlies" are unfriendly.
Why are they all so unfriendly? They haven't got to know us yet.
Why are they shooting at us?
'Cause they're unfriendly.
You're losing oil pressure in the gear box... That's nothin' - I lost tail rotor response.
Put your belt on!
I don't want to crash twice in one day! Don't worry. I crash better than anyone I know!
You're at 40! -Yep!
You're redlining! - Yep
Geez! Watch your controls! You're redlining! - Yep
We gotta rotate NOW! - Wild Dog to base.
We're going in approximately 3/4 of a mile southwest of Tango 7.
Hell of a rescue, huh? - I thought you had this helicopter blessed this morning.
I did. I have a feeling the monk wasn't concentrating that well.
There's no two ways about it, you know, we gotta drop.
No, man. Yeah, we gotta drop, we're sniper bait.
Well what's the prodecure? Who goes first? Well, there's not really any hard and fast rules
about crashing straight through a cockpit. Why don't you go first?
- No, I don't want to go first! - OK, OK, I'll go first. - No, I don't want to go 2nd!
Alright, OK, we'll toss a coin.
Call!
Tails.
- Is that heads? Tails? What is that? - Tails.
Heads, isn't it? That's tails. I'm gonna go look.
Come on!
It's pretty soft.
I hate going second.
Well that fall seemed to go pretty well, all things considered.
We should get moving.
Can you walk? Walk?
We're in the goddamned jungle!
Give me voice. Gene. Billy. Give me voice.
Gene, Billy. Come in.
Come on, guys, let me hear from ya. Over.
Come in Gene and Billy, where are you? Over.
Billy and Gene, do you read me?
Ya know, I swiped some things when I was a kid.
Whiffle balls, model airplanes. Stuff like that.
I used a fake ID to drink underage. I smoked a little reefer.
I performed oral sex in states where it's against the law.
But until I worked for my own government, I never ever smuggled dope.
Hey, we're not smugglers, we're just pack mules.
Look. No one's ever won a war in this part of the world without taking control of the opium trade.
Now we just helped General Soong get his local crop to market and he helps us fight the war. It's as simple as that.
Don't give me that cooled out Buddhist cowboy shit!
Our government's running a war with drug money
and over there across the border in Viet Nam our GI's are getting strung out on this stuff.
You know, you might as well be droppin' rattlesnakes in the schoolyard, man!
Can you tell me this doesn't bother you in your soul? Hey, leave my soul out of this, will ya?
Anyway, we don't officially work for the US government. Remember?
Well everybody knows who's running the show here. What's the big secret? What happens if you say CIA? Does the sky fall in?
Let's change our course. With some luck, we'll be outta here by morning.
How many more miles?
Now look. When that sales rep from Bell Helicopter gets here
don't slobber all over him right from the get-go the way you did that asshole from Dow Chemicals.
Nice and easy. Bring him here
vintage wine blah blah blah, elegant dining
get him blown at the White Rose, then at the end of the night
brandy, espresso. Then you hit him up for the two free choppers.
I'm a little nervous about it. Buona sera, signore.
I hear about the pilots shooted down.
I hope they safe. I pray for them.
Thank you, Nino. Every little prayer helps.
I have to have coffee with Davenport. What should I do? Dance for a little more time?
I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll do what you say. I'll take him to the White Rose. I'll get him blown.
No. No. What?
Davenport runs the Senate prayer group.
With a guy like that, you don't bring up the subject of blow jobs.
You wait for him to bring it up.
Jesus!
Again?
Restaurant closed! Health violation.
All go home now!
All finish! Everybody go now!!
I do business with round eyes all my life!
For sure no Corsican fuck me!
You crazy?
I pick up stuff from crash place! In bad danger!
Your men don't want to pay same as last time!
No more break this china! Understand?
Now I tell you something.
I talk to Marseilles. I talk to New York.
They say opium not so good this year.
They say heroin been cut with baking powder. So who fucking who, hey General?
No, no. I no gonna pay you same same. You give me shit!
Nino. You listen to me. You pay same same
or you will never use any of my planes again.
OK. OK, pay same same.
So this is the face of modern Communism?
Wrong again. A devout Communist carries an AK 47
And these guys have got the oldest weapons known to man. Look at 'em.
No, these are hillbillies. Kinda like Kentucky moonshiners.
And they're pissed about something. They don't cotton to outsiders, I guess.
How's the conversation coming?
Well. I'm surprised they haven't knocked us off yet.
Surprised, huh? How come you're so relaxed, man?
Maybe you don't get this but when you die that's it! Alright? It's over! End of story! Blackness!
Yeah, they stick you in a box and cover you up with dirt.
Don't even let you out of it for weekends. Really depressing.
Right. Nothing.
Buddha says... Stop with the Buddha thing, alright?
I just don't believe that a true Buddhist would be in the gun running business. OK?
You're a hustler, man. Alright, you cover it up with a little jasmine incense, you call it Eastern religion, but you're a hustler.
I didn't say I was a good Buddhist.
They're gonna do it.
No need to speed things up!
Those guns are all wrong for rainy conditions.
Waht you need is some good, all weather weapons.
Your guns were made in France for the desert warfare.
I hope you didn't pay more than two pigs for it.
A cow.
Yeah, I know.
A cow? For a stupid musket?
You got taken!
Can you believe it? This guy swapped a cow for this gun!
Don't you find that hysterical?
Ever shot it in the rain?
My point exactly.
For all weather guns
at great prices.
We should go to my brother in law.
He lives
two days walk from here. What do you say?
Gentlemen, these guns are cherry.
Deal.
Hello? Hello, Mei ling?
I missed you! Oh, I couldn't tell.
Oh, uh, Billy, Mei Ling. This is my wife.
Come in to civilization and get cleaned up!
You don't look like the kind of guy who'd live in a place like this.
Never look at looks. Looks'll fool you every time.
What the fuck are you doing here, man?
Do you believe in this war?
I used to believe in all these wars.
See, I had this theory once.
I believed in the politics of Saturday night.
I rated all governments and countries by how good or bad their Saturday nights were.
I knew that Moscow and Peking had to be a stone drag at that time of the week.
So I was flying for a cause.
I was fighting to defend chicken barbecues and weenie roasts
and Ray Charles songs and drinking Southern Comfort 'til you passed out behind the bar.
The politics of Saturday night. I can relate to that theory.
Yeah, it's not bad, is it? Just not particularly true, that's all.
I hear they party pretty hard in Moscow.
No need to give up a good theory just because it isn't true.
So why don't you go home?
Look at me, look at Neely, the rest of us we're all a bunch of trouble junkies, we've been mainlining danger
and adrenaline for so long, nothing else gets us off. It's kinda sick.
Quit before you pick up the habit. And you will! You'll pick up the habit. You'll get to like it.
Go back to LA and be the weirdest guy in the room again. What do you think?
I'm just gonna take care of a couple of things first.
You wanna get even. You wanna get even.
With who? Rob? General Soong?
Hey, forget it, will ya! This is the orient.
What Soong did to you was nothing!
I've seen things here that I could never possibly have imagined.
And I'm a guy with a pretty broad imagination.
Why don't you just go home?
What we have here, Senator, is one of the most famous temples in Laos.
Gentlemen, I've been here four days.
I've seen 19 Buddhas 3 tailor shops, a silk factory
but you haven't told me one new thing about the dope trade.
Now, I'm leaving soon and I'm not going back empty handed.
I better go back to DC with a couple of heads on a platter
otherwise, the rumors alone will kill you on the hill. Rumors? Who are you hearing rumors about, sir?
You heard the man, Rob.
Heads on a platter.
Hey, that looks like Paul Bunyan's condom?
That's the whole point of air dropping them, Perelli.
Penis size is very important to Asian people.
So. If we can convince them that Americans use this jumbo size
then their men will start to fear us. OK? OK.
You're excused. Oh. Guys, guys, One more thing, guys.
The body of Jack Neely was recovered last night by Allied soldiers on patrol.
Apparently he was shot down by Pathet Lao soldiers
while on rescue recon for Covington and Ryack.
I understand how you guys must feel but in the interest of base security
I have to remind you to be absolutely quiet about this. - Rob!
Before you tell us to keep quiet again could we please have a moment of silence?
"Visit colorful native village" That's what my schedule reads, Gene.
But we've been here nearly 6 hours. I think we could safely say I've visited it.
I'm sorry, Senator, they're nearly finished.
What is that thing, Gene? A boat?
Sort of.
Gene. You a strange man.
Thank you for noticing, General.
You love old ways. Asian ways.
But, General Soong love
tomorrow ways. Modern world.
I think our friend here's a little tipsy.
He's high on America, too. I've seen it before.
It's a stronger high than whisky. It's a bigger high than opium.
Our friend is stoned on dreams of the USA.
Gene, a moment ago, you mentioned opium.
So now, tell me, and just let the chips fall where they may.
Is it true Jack Neely was flying dope when he went down?
Let's take this back to the plane, gentlemen.
You're taking that kayak with you?
It's not a kayak, Senator, this is Jack Neely's coffin.
I promised him I'd make sure they didn't send him home back to Texas in a body bag.
And, no, he wasn't flying dope.
General! Wake up!
Hey, I'm here to drink to Jack Neely. Anybody gonna join me?
To Jack!
He wouldn't want it any other way. He'd have been real pissed to die in bed.
I'm leaving, guys. I sent Mei Ling and the kids on ahead. I'm gonna join up with 'em there. - What the fuck? What are you talkin about?
Well. I got a buyer for all my guns. I'm gonna go around pickin' up all my stashes
and get rid of 'em in one hit. - What are You gonna do then, Gene, you gonna go become some kind of fuckin' gentleman farmer in Thailand?
- Yeah. - What about the rest of us, Gene?
What are we supposed to do, go back to Dry Crotch South Dakota and sell aluminum siding?
- Really. - Ah, shit, they're gonna shut this war down anyway.
There'll be another new war, opening soon in a theatre near you. You can bank on it.
Promise? I promise. - I heard that.
Gentlemen, I just spent the day with the Senator, and, uh..
The spooks are lookin' for some fall guys. So be careful, eh? See ya tomorrow.
Where you been?
Just around.
I did some shopping on the black market. Got some grenades.
Now I'm gonna go have some fun.
- Fun? - Yeah, I'm gonna have some big fun.
Serious fun. Lots of noise.
Hey, this doesn't sound like well planned fun.
No. Like I said, down on the ground is where I tend to fuck up.
I wouldn't do this if I was you.
Yeah, I know.
But then you wouldn't do anything.
See you later.
Pepsi time.
Can I have a soda?
I know who doing this! That fucking new kid doing this!
The guards saw him running away. Word on the street, Major, is
it's Communist sabotage.
Gentlemen, right now I don't give a rat's ass who tried to blow this place up.
The point is, this whole operation is about to blow up in our faces, right when the Senator is here.
We need to give Davenport a head on a platter - right now.
If I might beg your indulgence: Could I have the use of two kilos?
These two kilos are for the cause.
Yes, sir.
That's right, Charlie, C 123, just for me, personal use here.
That's a hell of a big plane for personal use. - Exactly.
Guess you got a buyer for all your weapons, huh? Oh, Nail on head, Charlie.
Hey, how's it going? How you doing? - Very well.
Good... What are you taking today? Taking flour sacks to Bien Thuong, in the porter?
That's right near Tango 7. Planning on crashing any more airplanes on the runway today?
Not today. That's good. You already cost this company enough as it is.
I don't know quite what you're talking about there. What's that mean?
Feel better now? So much better.
Yeah, there was a cloud of opium smoke over the town last night, got everybody stoned.
They actually shut that plant down for three whole hours.
Didn't start again 'til early this morning.
That's the way it is.
How we doin', we set? All set.
Bien Thuong, huh?
You. You! Move truck out! Quick!
Keep movin', Audrey!
You get truck out!
Hey! Wait a minute, hey! Calm down!
You'll get your opium fields. We're only gonna need a few more hours to move 'em out of here!
Base to Stagger Lee. Base to Stagger Lee. Come in!
Stagger Lee to base. Over.
Slight change in you flight plan, Stagger Lee. Hold off on the drop. I want you to take her down to LS 18
for a routine inspection. Routine inspection?
That's affirmative, Stagger Lee. We don't make 'em up, we just read 'em.
Check. Heading for LS 18.
Hey Babo, I'm going to LS 18 for a routine inspection.
Routine inspection? Never heard of it.
Then it ain't routine.
Babo, check the cargo. What's up?
I don't know. Something's up. Check the cargo, will you?
Well, I hope to God our information is wrong, Senator.
It would break my heart if we found heroin on that plane.
On the other hand, sir, the pilot is a young man from California. - Oh, I see.
Caught up in all that doggone youth culture bit, huh?
Boy! All those years of Rock 'n Roll.
Still and all, he is only one young man. How come we need all these fellas helping out?
Well, pilots are tough men, Senator.
This one might resist with force.
If our information is correct, he is a cool and ruthless customer.
Hey, Billy, I got nothing back here!
Listen man, we're being set up. OK? Keep looking!
Are you serious? Yeah, I'm serious, cut 'em open!
Whatta you got? Nothing.
C'mon! Hurry up!
Got it!
God, I knew it! I knew it!
Look at those bastards down there, waiting for us!
Damn! Like they want us busted. Dead and busted.
Oh, no. Somebody messed with that fuel gauge 'cause we're running out!
Forget this, I'm gonna go for that abandoned air strip over by Tango 7.
Wait a minute, Billy! If they're waitin' for us down here, they can follow us to Tango 7!
Well, we'll figure something out. Don't say we, man, cause I'm 42 years old
and I never figured out anything in my whole fuckin' life.
He's not landing, Rob. He's only got enough fuel to...
Start 'em up! Let's go after 'em!
We're VSF, man! We're VSF!
What? Very severely fucked!
Good flying, Covington. Ever do any valet parking?
Looks like we're gonna make it.
What the hell are we gonna do once we get on the ground, huh? - I'm workin' on it!
Come on!
You're going pretty fast, Covington! Hold on! -Hold on??
Pull up! Pull up!
Goddamit, What are you doing? Shut up!
What are you, nuts? Get your head down, now!
Down!
See,I never would have thought of that. It just came to me.
I'm gonna buy you some beers!
Lousy week, man.
Gene, come in, Gene!
Bullshit.
'Scuse me for a minute.
It's Babo. Gene come in!
Yeah, this is Gene. Whatta ya want?
He what, he what? He did it again? Son of a bitch, can't he keep the thing in the air?
Well I'll think about it.
Nope, no more money. Speak English.
Where did he go, Rob? I don't know!
Senator, I'm afraid we've lost him.
Well, maybe my trip hasn't been a complete loss.
Maybe I found those rotten apples after all.
I beg your pardon, sir? You know, I may wear short pants in the jungle.
And say things like, "gosh darn" and "deep doo doo" but I sure know a frame up when I see one.
Unless my eyes deceive me... Oh, they probably do...
Now look here, pal, I know you are a highly decorated soldier...
Senator, kiss my highly decorated ass!
I've been trying to make it easy for you but there's no way to please you people.
I'll tell you what. You go back to Washington
you take a cab from the airport and you go straight to the White House
and you just pour your heart out about what you think you saw over here.
And then you just sit back and watch the slow painful death of your political career.
You can't touch me without cutting your own throat. You know why?
Because the President loves my ass!
You really are second level, Rob.
We go home now!
Hey! Glad you could make it!
Where's your bus? Long story.
Well, it's my last stop, boys. One more pick up, then I off load.
Home free. It's gravy from there on in.
Hey, I had a map around here someplace and the stops are marked in crayon.
Here it is.
Navigate me to sky blue, please.
Will you check all the "friendlies" down there?
Oh, yeah, that's Soong's troops. I've been listening to them all morning.
He's marching in to take over the poppy fields. Shit's kickin him someone else is gonna get there first.
That's by the refugee camp, too. Yeah, that's where the poppies are.
Corinne! There's no more trucks, there's no more choppers.
No, you go ahead, I gotta call. Corinne! - Go!
Mayday! Mayday! This is Scout Camp 1. Enemy troops are moving in
on General Soong and we're caught in the cross fire.
Request immediate assistance!
Mayday! Mayday! This is Scout Camp 1
Scout Camp 1 requesting assistance.
Mayday, we're under heavy mortar fire! Do you read?
Uh, this is Pirelli. We're 15 minutes away. Is anyone closer?
We're gonna head in if nobody is closer. Call us, please! Anyone nearby?
Mayday, mayday! We ask all aircraft! Heavy mortar fire
at Scout Camp 1. Do you read? All aircraft!
Saunders and Pirelli are nearly as close as we are. They can get 'em.
Yeah we're only about 5 minutes closer.
Five minutes at the most.
Seriously, I -- Shut up will ya!
Look, I've planned this day for a long time! I got it all worked out. I'm agreeing, it's what I said!
I haven't got time to pick up lost social workers in the jungle, OK?
She chose to be there - that's the way it is!
I lost 5 minutes today when I had to pick you guys up. I didn't hear you say thank you. - Thank you.
Thank you. She knew what she was doing.
God dammit!
5 minutes isn't gonna kill us.
She's skinny, we can fit her in the back with a machine gun.
Give me the heading, will ya?
160. Are you sure?
Look! Shut up!
Keep your hands off the wheel. We know what happens when you fly.
Uh. We haven't heard. Is anybody gonna go in? Come in.
Sorry, I was in a phone booth, changing clothes. We'll get her.
Yeah, this was a good idea of yours, wasn't it!
I knew you guys would make it! If you give me a hand, I think we can get everybody on board.
No no, we just came back for you. We can't bring these people. He's fully loaded back there.
Dump the fucking cargo!
No!That's a big problem. I brought all these people here, I'm not leaving without them.
Let's get this kid and get outta here!
Come on!
Hey, let's go, let's go, let's go, get on the plane.
I'm not leaving without these people!
Hey! We came here to get you. Now get on the fucking plane!
Dump your cargo.
One minute.
Gene! I got a crazy idea: Dump the cargo, and take the refugees.
Great! Come on, do me a favor.
You better hurry. You gotta do it.
Or you're just another version of Major Lemond with a slightly hipper rap.
Knock it off, will ya?
Goddamn!
Hey, Mother Theresa!
I was gonna do it anyway. I just hate being lectured!
"Slightly hipper rap?"
Let's go! Come on!
You better hop up front and give it some stick! Those shells are gettin accurate.
Afternoon, ladies and gentlemen. Welcome aboard Air America Flight #1.
We'll turn off those "fasten seat belt" signs after we get out of gun range.
I have to apologize for that ground delay.
Captain Ryack says we experienced some material turbulence.
We'll be serving some light refreshments and entertainment on channel 3
by that new group "Gene Ryack and the Redemption!"- pops and rock and roll.
Currently our captain is figuring out how to tell his family that he misplaced their nest egg.
Meanwhile our flight plan today
takes us over the flaming jars, Anaheim Azusa and the Mekong Delta
leading us down into...
Where are we going? What are we gonna do?
Well you're gonna help me get the cash back I lost when you made me dump off my cargo.
I didn't make you dump your cargo. I merely suggested.
Do not blame me for the single decent act of your adult life. OK?
I mean, besides, where am I gonna get that kind of money? Are you out of your mind?
Down here at crazy Gene's used airplanes, people think we're out of our minds since we've slashed the prices on our used C 123's.
If you've got a private army you want to get into a battle with... Forget it!
Or you wanna run some guns! You find you're hassled by those pesky border guards.
Gene! You can't sell the plane, it's US Government property.
The US Government doesn't exist in Laos. And neither does this plane.
Good point.
Sit back, relax. And we'll do what we do best.
We fly!